April is a hard month for me. Aaron died almost 12 years ago on the 29th of April, and no matter how hard I try my brain knows it's coming. I almost feel like this might be the week I lose it. After all these years I still miss him. The sadness is not quite all consuming, but at some moment this month it will be. The rest of my siblings and I will get together and I still feel one is missing. I look at them all and I expect him to be standing there......
We had a great sermon last week about Jesus being nailed on the cross, and most times I take it as it is and don't get too wrapped up in that, but last Sunday was different. Randy was so passionate about it all that I got so caught up and just wanted to lay on the floor and sob. God so moved in me at that moment. I can't wait for tonight and Sunday. I bad thing about tonight is that Gary's dad and stepmom will be accompanying us to church. I am less likely to be moved when they are there. Why you ask? Because 9 times out of 10 if I cry anywhere near anyone who knows me they automatically assume I'm crying over Ryleigh. Newsflash, it's not all about her. Most times it's simply words that touch my heart.
On a much lighter note :) I have been quilting this awesome quilt for some dear friends who are getting married in July. I think I will have it done, but I will have to tie it off versus quilt it. They were both so beneficial to Thomas (mostly) and to Gary at grief camp less than 4 months after Ry died. I have been forever blessed by them, and thought this would be a great way to show it, and I love doing it :) I have 2 rows out of 6 put together and almost all the fabric picked out. I will hopefully post pics when I'm done and the wedding is over.
Off to get out of my pj's and quilt.
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