Thomas is going to be the death of me. I'm tired of his attitude and his lack of taking responsibility for himself. It's everybody else's fault but his. This time I made him pick between spending the night at his friend's or coming home and going to the beach. How hard can that possibly be? Apparently very hard. He is mad at me because I wouldn't let him do both. Sigh. Really?
To top it all off my husband was going to go ahead and take him down there after church. He didn't and I'm still the bad guy. I'm always the bad guy. I'm tired of being the bad guy. I'm just plain tired and sick of it. I really am ready for Thomas to buckle down, graduate in 3 years and go out on his own, like he wants to. Maybe one day he'd come home and say mom you were right, I had it good.
This is one of those days I'm just simply done. Finished. I want out.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Day 19
So, I think I have also learned that I don't always have something to say everyday. I think my new goal will be to at least post sometimes.
Friday night I volunteered at the Kari Jobe concert at our church. I got door monitor in the back where the band kept coming in and out. It was fun. I like to serve, and I like to serve quietly.
Friday night I volunteered at the Kari Jobe concert at our church. I got door monitor in the back where the band kept coming in and out. It was fun. I like to serve, and I like to serve quietly.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Day 18
So I've totally derailed on this 30 day blog. Darn. Let's see if I can at least get 30 days soon.
I have said I love my job, but this is the 1st year I've worked full time. Also, I have more responsibilities. These last few days have been interesting. We have 19 kids this year. It makes for an interesting experience! My brain feels like it's running ninety to nothing and that really is a good thing, but it also makes me tired.
Anyway, Monday was crazy and I didn't pay attention to the little things. Tuesday morning I really realized that one of my favorite kids is on the bus when the drop off our kids. She is awesome! Not perfect, but none of us are. She realized that I was outside the bus and she started waving at me, and I could see her saying my name. I love the way she says my name. I am blessed that most every morning I will get to see her wave at me and be delighted to see me. I will be waving back and delighted to see her and it will makes my entire year! God in his great knowledge provided delight in a small unexpected place.
I have said I love my job, but this is the 1st year I've worked full time. Also, I have more responsibilities. These last few days have been interesting. We have 19 kids this year. It makes for an interesting experience! My brain feels like it's running ninety to nothing and that really is a good thing, but it also makes me tired.
Anyway, Monday was crazy and I didn't pay attention to the little things. Tuesday morning I really realized that one of my favorite kids is on the bus when the drop off our kids. She is awesome! Not perfect, but none of us are. She realized that I was outside the bus and she started waving at me, and I could see her saying my name. I love the way she says my name. I am blessed that most every morning I will get to see her wave at me and be delighted to see me. I will be waving back and delighted to see her and it will makes my entire year! God in his great knowledge provided delight in a small unexpected place.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Day 17
When I typed Day 16 I realized there was a good post as an extra.
The hospital where Ryleigh died had an awesome Child Life Dept. Every spring break they do a grief camp. They had it 3 months after Ryleigh died and we reluctantly let them go. I confess to nearly having a panic attack on the way. Really I did, I just didn't hyper ventilate, which is usually par for the course for me.
So, the boys go and for days I have no idea if they had fun. We go and pick them up and they met a young couple Ben and Kristina. Ben and Kristina were awesome. They were amazing with the boys, especially Thomas. Kristina would sneak snacks for him and they would sit and talk about everything. Just what he needed at that time. We have stayed friends with them and I consider both of them a HUGE reason the boys did ok. Have I said enough yet that they ROCKED? They did. They still go to camps in the summer and I can't begin to imagine the blessings they have given other kids. I love those two!
Two years ago they got married, and truth be told we would've crashed if we'd not been invited. I had not quilted much outside of Ryleigh's. My friend Meg assured me I could do a square block quilt in a short amount of time. I got it done and to the longarm quilter and back just in time. I put a quilt label on it, using Ryleigh's clothes as a label.
I adored giving it to them. I needed to give them an amazing gift for thanks. They will always hold a spot in my heart, as a couple who gave so much to my sons, and really us too.
The hospital where Ryleigh died had an awesome Child Life Dept. Every spring break they do a grief camp. They had it 3 months after Ryleigh died and we reluctantly let them go. I confess to nearly having a panic attack on the way. Really I did, I just didn't hyper ventilate, which is usually par for the course for me.
So, the boys go and for days I have no idea if they had fun. We go and pick them up and they met a young couple Ben and Kristina. Ben and Kristina were awesome. They were amazing with the boys, especially Thomas. Kristina would sneak snacks for him and they would sit and talk about everything. Just what he needed at that time. We have stayed friends with them and I consider both of them a HUGE reason the boys did ok. Have I said enough yet that they ROCKED? They did. They still go to camps in the summer and I can't begin to imagine the blessings they have given other kids. I love those two!
Two years ago they got married, and truth be told we would've crashed if we'd not been invited. I had not quilted much outside of Ryleigh's. My friend Meg assured me I could do a square block quilt in a short amount of time. I got it done and to the longarm quilter and back just in time. I put a quilt label on it, using Ryleigh's clothes as a label.
I adored giving it to them. I needed to give them an amazing gift for thanks. They will always hold a spot in my heart, as a couple who gave so much to my sons, and really us too.
Day 16
So this is my second quilt and first attempt at a picture. Really this is my 3rd quilt. I did a quilt for a couple getting married, a baby quilt and this one. Gary picked out all the fabric and the pattern. I hand stitched the entire top together. My friend Joyce put the back 3 pieces together for me, quilted all three layers and put the binding one. Once I got it back my friend Lynn and I finished off the binding. It takes me a bit of time, because most times I quilt while watching Days of Our Lives. I will be working full time this year, so I'll have to find another time to quilt.
Next on my list is to finish a quilt top I've been working on for awhile and put another baby quilt together. Then I have to decide which quilt to start next..... I also want to fix Ry' s quilt. I have a couple of sides where the back isn't wide enough. It will be harder to fix than I like.
I bought a quilt top at an auction last night. One day I will send it to Joyce to quilt, after putting on a bigger border.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Day 15
I love to read. I love to read lots of different things, but mostly I love to read things that don't make me have to work at it.
I love to read fast and skip pages but still get a story out of it. Light mysteries work the best.
I have 2 books that will take some time to read. One called The Coffee Trader, which I think I will end up liking. Another called Icy Sparks, about a girl who has Tourettes. It will be good too, but they both require reading each page and really paying attention.
So I put them aside. I have a few days left before my routine starts up full time, so I decided to do a last run of junk reading. Romances and mysteries to finish out my summer. Awesome! I love a good vampire story :-)
I love to read fast and skip pages but still get a story out of it. Light mysteries work the best.
I have 2 books that will take some time to read. One called The Coffee Trader, which I think I will end up liking. Another called Icy Sparks, about a girl who has Tourettes. It will be good too, but they both require reading each page and really paying attention.
So I put them aside. I have a few days left before my routine starts up full time, so I decided to do a last run of junk reading. Romances and mysteries to finish out my summer. Awesome! I love a good vampire story :-)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Day 14
I'm having Olympic withdrawals.
I am catching up on shows that I haven't watched in awhile.
I also got most of my quilt projects cut out, some blocks put together, a baby quilt top finished, and a whole bunch of reading done. I read totally no brainers, mostly. Which was really nice. I am hoping to finish Gary's quilt binding this week.
I am catching up on shows that I haven't watched in awhile.
I also got most of my quilt projects cut out, some blocks put together, a baby quilt top finished, and a whole bunch of reading done. I read totally no brainers, mostly. Which was really nice. I am hoping to finish Gary's quilt binding this week.
Day 13
I love my job.
In 2010 I was approached to help in a Life Skills class part time with sign language. To teach the class some signs.
I had never worked in a life skills class. Truly I had never been around kids with extra needs. I went down and talked to the people in charge, and went and spent a bit of time in the class.
I truly came out very unsure of what I was getting into. It's always a new experience. Each day is different and you never know what kind of day you will have.
I bravely decided to try it part time for at least a the school year. I also was still in class for an Interpreter's degree.
I ended up loving it so much I went back this last year. I didn't do school though, because high school has it's own set of schedules and I couldn't realistically do both.
Truly, interpreters can be difficult to work with and I'm now rethinking doing that for a full time job. We'll see what God has planned for that in the long run.
Anyway, this year I'll be working pretty much full time. They created a position just for me, so that they could pay me what I had been getting. I'm grateful and excited. This will be a whole new year and experience.
I'm hoping to stay at least until a couple of students officially graduate. There are some kids no matter where they are in a school, that you just fall in love with. They invade your heart and you can't help bu love them.
This is truly one of God's ideas. He thought of it all on HIs own, planned it out and dropped me into. We'll see His outcome as it plays out, but I'm eternally grateful that He gave me this opportunity to be loved by kids that love you with their whole being and are awesome!
In 2010 I was approached to help in a Life Skills class part time with sign language. To teach the class some signs.
I had never worked in a life skills class. Truly I had never been around kids with extra needs. I went down and talked to the people in charge, and went and spent a bit of time in the class.
I truly came out very unsure of what I was getting into. It's always a new experience. Each day is different and you never know what kind of day you will have.
I bravely decided to try it part time for at least a the school year. I also was still in class for an Interpreter's degree.
I ended up loving it so much I went back this last year. I didn't do school though, because high school has it's own set of schedules and I couldn't realistically do both.
Truly, interpreters can be difficult to work with and I'm now rethinking doing that for a full time job. We'll see what God has planned for that in the long run.
Anyway, this year I'll be working pretty much full time. They created a position just for me, so that they could pay me what I had been getting. I'm grateful and excited. This will be a whole new year and experience.
I'm hoping to stay at least until a couple of students officially graduate. There are some kids no matter where they are in a school, that you just fall in love with. They invade your heart and you can't help bu love them.
This is truly one of God's ideas. He thought of it all on HIs own, planned it out and dropped me into. We'll see His outcome as it plays out, but I'm eternally grateful that He gave me this opportunity to be loved by kids that love you with their whole being and are awesome!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Day 12- Delightful
This post popped in my head at church this morning.
I don't follow well. I don't follow trends. About the only person I follow well is God, and sometimes I don't do that well. Those of you that know me well will understand this about me. It will not surprise you and you are probably laughing really hard already.
I say all that because I've always wondered about this picking a word for the year thing. No criticism or judgement, it's just not been the thing for me.
My church had a women's retreat in January and it was a very moving time between God and I. He used that time to have me do an amazing amount of intentional prayer. He and I are always talking, but this was intentional prayer for people and issues. That probably opened me up for worship time. I should've been prepared and expecting it, but I wasn't.
Besides soothing my soul and refreshing it God put the word Delightful on my heart. At that moment I felt delightful. Delightful in God and in my life. Delightful was used numerous times for the retreat. God is amazing, and He is delighted in me. Our worship leader used that word this morning and I smiled.
So I have a word this year. It was a reminder to find the delight in what I can. Delight in my job. This is not a hard one to do. Delight in my kids. This one is hard! Delight in my life and my family and friends. I think Delightful fits into my whole you can't control anything really so you might as well enjoy it all. Be Delightful in life and in the world. It makes a difference to people.
I don't follow well. I don't follow trends. About the only person I follow well is God, and sometimes I don't do that well. Those of you that know me well will understand this about me. It will not surprise you and you are probably laughing really hard already.
I say all that because I've always wondered about this picking a word for the year thing. No criticism or judgement, it's just not been the thing for me.
My church had a women's retreat in January and it was a very moving time between God and I. He used that time to have me do an amazing amount of intentional prayer. He and I are always talking, but this was intentional prayer for people and issues. That probably opened me up for worship time. I should've been prepared and expecting it, but I wasn't.
Besides soothing my soul and refreshing it God put the word Delightful on my heart. At that moment I felt delightful. Delightful in God and in my life. Delightful was used numerous times for the retreat. God is amazing, and He is delighted in me. Our worship leader used that word this morning and I smiled.
So I have a word this year. It was a reminder to find the delight in what I can. Delight in my job. This is not a hard one to do. Delight in my kids. This one is hard! Delight in my life and my family and friends. I think Delightful fits into my whole you can't control anything really so you might as well enjoy it all. Be Delightful in life and in the world. It makes a difference to people.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Day 11
So, I went to the movies with my trainer last night to see The Bourne Legacy. It was a good movie and really my trainer is becoming a friend of mine.
The only drawback to going out with your trainer is that she busts you for only being in the gym twice this week. Yes, my trainer knew I had only been there twice this week. Therefore, my butt was up and at the gym this morning. I promised I'd be there. I'm now tired and sweaty on a Saturday. Off to shower.
I think I'll try posting a picture tomorrow of Gary's quilt.
The only drawback to going out with your trainer is that she busts you for only being in the gym twice this week. Yes, my trainer knew I had only been there twice this week. Therefore, my butt was up and at the gym this morning. I promised I'd be there. I'm now tired and sweaty on a Saturday. Off to shower.
I think I'll try posting a picture tomorrow of Gary's quilt.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Day 9
So, let's make today serious, especially in light of the fact I skipped 2 days. I'm slacking I know.
This might be another public speaking thing, only God knows that answer.
This starts back in Oct. 2000. This was our first trip to Disney. We loved it. We said we would never take young kids there, but we did. We always had to have a stroller- said I'd never do that either. We took a 5,3 and 18 month old to Disney. We did Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom and MGM I think. We had a blast. We went to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party and we really enjoyed that.
So, we went back at the same time of year and did the party again in 2004. Then we had a 8,6 and 4 yr. old. So much more fun. We did Magic Kingdom and MGM studios. Ryleigh sweet talked daddy out of a Belle costume for the Halloween party and it was such a fun time for all of us. We did character meals and rode almost all the rides. Ryleigh wasn't tall enough, so she couldn't ride Rockin Roller Coaster. She was mad, especially when the boys rode it more than one time and she was stuck waiting outside the ride. Poor thing.
December 2005 came and we pretty much said we'd never go back. How can you go back when your princess is in heaven?
March 2012 comes along, and I could feel God steering me towards going on Mystery Tour with our youth group. I knew in my heart I needed to know where we were going, before we left. One guess. You only need one guess, and I knew it before he told me. DISNEY. Really God? Really? Can't I be human for once and not face this? Apparently not, as they needed women to go and I could go. Can you say freaked out? Way freaked out here.
Off we went on the bus. The first day there, we went to Downtown Disney. Chrissy met me there and she and I had a great time catching up and hanging out. The memories are flooding over you and you're standing in the middle of the princess costumes trying to figure out if you panic or hold your ground. I wonder if there was a battle going on over my head, between good and evil. To be strong and know you can do this with God's strength, or fall to the panic and voices telling you your weak and incapable. Sigh.
The second day was Magic Kingdom. I am blessed that I was with Mike and I group of girls that had never been to Disney before. This makes the memories easier to deal with, because you are watching the joy of first timers in Disney. It was sad and many times I was deep breathing and praying I wouldn't sob in Disney. That would have been lovely. Not. I didn't end up riding the Buzz ride. I couldn't do it on my own.
The third day was MGM, which is now called something else and I can't remember what it is. This park I did on my own, kind of by accident, kind of on purpose. I needed this time to heal, face those demons of that first time without your loved one. Those moments suck by the way, just plain suck. MGM has a new Toy story ride- this was a great ride and a good new memory to make. Remember Rockin Roller Coaster? I rode it. The first time I cried. Poor lady next to me must have thought it was raining on her. LOL It's an inside roller coaster, in the dark, so no one knew I was crying. Deep breath and I rode it again and then again. The second and the third time were the times to ride it as healing and for the fun of the ride. I truly love that ride and I needed to ride it once for Ryleigh and the rest for me.
Here's the thing I survived and I did it while having fun. It wasn't easy, and if I'd had my choice I would never have gone back. God had other plans, and while I sometimes disagree with Him, I usually always follow His directions. I drag my feet while doing it sometimes. Did I learn anything? Not really. Did I grow? Probably. Can't tell you how though. It was a strong reminder that HE never leaves me and He always asks things of me in which I will survive, even if I don't like the request. Who knows what His plan with it is, only He knows that. He and I were in constant communication while I was gone. I'm glad He puts up with me, because I'm bossy and weak.
Gary thought I was crazy and he said he couldn't have done it, or ever would. Maybe that's the point. We always talk about God asking us to do things we think we'll never do. Maybe that's the point to this. He's going to ask you to do things You don't want to do. We have to have faith and step out and do the things God asks us to do. We never know what comes from those moments, but they are very important.
This might be another public speaking thing, only God knows that answer.
This starts back in Oct. 2000. This was our first trip to Disney. We loved it. We said we would never take young kids there, but we did. We always had to have a stroller- said I'd never do that either. We took a 5,3 and 18 month old to Disney. We did Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom and MGM I think. We had a blast. We went to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party and we really enjoyed that.
So, we went back at the same time of year and did the party again in 2004. Then we had a 8,6 and 4 yr. old. So much more fun. We did Magic Kingdom and MGM studios. Ryleigh sweet talked daddy out of a Belle costume for the Halloween party and it was such a fun time for all of us. We did character meals and rode almost all the rides. Ryleigh wasn't tall enough, so she couldn't ride Rockin Roller Coaster. She was mad, especially when the boys rode it more than one time and she was stuck waiting outside the ride. Poor thing.
December 2005 came and we pretty much said we'd never go back. How can you go back when your princess is in heaven?
March 2012 comes along, and I could feel God steering me towards going on Mystery Tour with our youth group. I knew in my heart I needed to know where we were going, before we left. One guess. You only need one guess, and I knew it before he told me. DISNEY. Really God? Really? Can't I be human for once and not face this? Apparently not, as they needed women to go and I could go. Can you say freaked out? Way freaked out here.
Off we went on the bus. The first day there, we went to Downtown Disney. Chrissy met me there and she and I had a great time catching up and hanging out. The memories are flooding over you and you're standing in the middle of the princess costumes trying to figure out if you panic or hold your ground. I wonder if there was a battle going on over my head, between good and evil. To be strong and know you can do this with God's strength, or fall to the panic and voices telling you your weak and incapable. Sigh.
The second day was Magic Kingdom. I am blessed that I was with Mike and I group of girls that had never been to Disney before. This makes the memories easier to deal with, because you are watching the joy of first timers in Disney. It was sad and many times I was deep breathing and praying I wouldn't sob in Disney. That would have been lovely. Not. I didn't end up riding the Buzz ride. I couldn't do it on my own.
The third day was MGM, which is now called something else and I can't remember what it is. This park I did on my own, kind of by accident, kind of on purpose. I needed this time to heal, face those demons of that first time without your loved one. Those moments suck by the way, just plain suck. MGM has a new Toy story ride- this was a great ride and a good new memory to make. Remember Rockin Roller Coaster? I rode it. The first time I cried. Poor lady next to me must have thought it was raining on her. LOL It's an inside roller coaster, in the dark, so no one knew I was crying. Deep breath and I rode it again and then again. The second and the third time were the times to ride it as healing and for the fun of the ride. I truly love that ride and I needed to ride it once for Ryleigh and the rest for me.
Here's the thing I survived and I did it while having fun. It wasn't easy, and if I'd had my choice I would never have gone back. God had other plans, and while I sometimes disagree with Him, I usually always follow His directions. I drag my feet while doing it sometimes. Did I learn anything? Not really. Did I grow? Probably. Can't tell you how though. It was a strong reminder that HE never leaves me and He always asks things of me in which I will survive, even if I don't like the request. Who knows what His plan with it is, only He knows that. He and I were in constant communication while I was gone. I'm glad He puts up with me, because I'm bossy and weak.
Gary thought I was crazy and he said he couldn't have done it, or ever would. Maybe that's the point. We always talk about God asking us to do things we think we'll never do. Maybe that's the point to this. He's going to ask you to do things You don't want to do. We have to have faith and step out and do the things God asks us to do. We never know what comes from those moments, but they are very important.
Day 8
ROFL
So in posting that I missed one day, I realized I missed 2! Oops!
So, we will acknowledge that I missed 2 days and move on to today.
So in posting that I missed one day, I realized I missed 2! Oops!
So, we will acknowledge that I missed 2 days and move on to today.
Day 7
I have no good excuse as to why I didn't blog yesterday. I'd blame it on the fact that we're down to one computer, but I did in fact have said computer in my hands yesterday and I didn't write anything. I've already missed one day. I'm telling you we should've made a bet. haha
Oh well, on to today.
Oh well, on to today.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Day 6
I love the Olympics. I love the idea of the Olympics. The concept of different nations coming together to compete is a good one. I dislike the cheating. I wish they could compete without the pressure of winning.
I also dislike that the ceremonies have become so big that countries are spending way too much money on them. Yes, I know sponsors help out, but Britain didn't have many if any sponsors at the end. Maybe we should go back to a more simple opening and closing ceremony.
I love hearing all the stories of how people got there, what it means to them, and the countries that come with no major hope for a medal, but they come anyway. I love cheering for those competitors.
I just plain love the Olympics!
I also dislike that the ceremonies have become so big that countries are spending way too much money on them. Yes, I know sponsors help out, but Britain didn't have many if any sponsors at the end. Maybe we should go back to a more simple opening and closing ceremony.
I love hearing all the stories of how people got there, what it means to them, and the countries that come with no major hope for a medal, but they come anyway. I love cheering for those competitors.
I just plain love the Olympics!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Day 5
I could make this really sappy, but I'm not :-)
Today is simple! Enjoy the day. We never know when we have our last one here on earth, so enjoy it. For me today, that means reading, watching the Olympics, going to church, and taking a nap maybe.
I might even quilt, but it's looking like rain outside, so I'm thinking laziness will win!
Today is simple! Enjoy the day. We never know when we have our last one here on earth, so enjoy it. For me today, that means reading, watching the Olympics, going to church, and taking a nap maybe.
I might even quilt, but it's looking like rain outside, so I'm thinking laziness will win!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Day 4
Here's an ugly truth. One I hate to admit, but have been admitting it more often. For about 5 years I was addicted to food. Maybe more like the comfort of food. One must understand first that addiction runs in my family. We are more apt to be an addict than not. So, I can look back and say food was probably mine. I can pinpoint the start of it too. They made me eat when Ryleigh died, and while it's not their fault it set my brain on a downward spiral. My brain was convinced the food would make me feel better. It didn't, it just made me gain weight.
I didn't realize this was a problem for me, until I gave up sugar and soda for Lent this year. Somewhere in that 5 years, it became an addiction. For days after Lent started I would stand in the pantry doorway and just crave the sugar, thinking it would make me feel better. Ugh! It was horrible to realize how bad it had a hold on me. Within less than 24hrs. I realized why God had asked me to do this. He knew I needed my eyes WIDE open. He opened them wide.
In that space of time though He helped me manage those feelings. As, you're standing in the doorway, unless you want to give in, you are reaching towards God to uphold you. For Him to make the urge for comfort to be back towards Him and not the food. It was a long battle and I'm not over it. Some days it gets the better of me and I just have the sweets. A girl has to have chocolate, or at least this girl does.
I put on weight the last 5 years. For me a lot of weight. I didn't feel good about myself. I looked pregnant in my eyes and had no stamina. So, while helping me stop with the sugar God put a kickboxing place in my neighborhood. I believe He can do anything. I joined the end of March and really started committing to it in April. The difference has been huge.
When Lent ended my romance with soda had ended. Overall I can't stand soda anymore. That is an awesome thing. I also realized that between all the soda and sugar, it had given me indigestion. Once I stopped most of the sugar it went away. That has been awesome.
I've been working out and my belly has gone down a lot. I have lost a whole clothing size and my stamina is so much better. I feel healthy and my confidence is so much higher.
So, God used Lent and kickboxing to help me emerge from a dark hole I didn't even realize I had climbed in. I'm so glad God knows what I need before I do, and that He's willing to help me out when I'm not helping at all, and He got me to admit I'm WEAK, especially without Him as my focus.
I didn't realize this was a problem for me, until I gave up sugar and soda for Lent this year. Somewhere in that 5 years, it became an addiction. For days after Lent started I would stand in the pantry doorway and just crave the sugar, thinking it would make me feel better. Ugh! It was horrible to realize how bad it had a hold on me. Within less than 24hrs. I realized why God had asked me to do this. He knew I needed my eyes WIDE open. He opened them wide.
In that space of time though He helped me manage those feelings. As, you're standing in the doorway, unless you want to give in, you are reaching towards God to uphold you. For Him to make the urge for comfort to be back towards Him and not the food. It was a long battle and I'm not over it. Some days it gets the better of me and I just have the sweets. A girl has to have chocolate, or at least this girl does.
I put on weight the last 5 years. For me a lot of weight. I didn't feel good about myself. I looked pregnant in my eyes and had no stamina. So, while helping me stop with the sugar God put a kickboxing place in my neighborhood. I believe He can do anything. I joined the end of March and really started committing to it in April. The difference has been huge.
When Lent ended my romance with soda had ended. Overall I can't stand soda anymore. That is an awesome thing. I also realized that between all the soda and sugar, it had given me indigestion. Once I stopped most of the sugar it went away. That has been awesome.
I've been working out and my belly has gone down a lot. I have lost a whole clothing size and my stamina is so much better. I feel healthy and my confidence is so much higher.
So, God used Lent and kickboxing to help me emerge from a dark hole I didn't even realize I had climbed in. I'm so glad God knows what I need before I do, and that He's willing to help me out when I'm not helping at all, and He got me to admit I'm WEAK, especially without Him as my focus.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Day 3
For awhile now I've had this "speech" in my head. Not so much a speech but a talk. A stand on the stage in front of lot of women talk. I've been avoiding it. I'm still avoiding it, but here's the general idea of it.
I quilt. I have found I love to quilt. It took awhile and a really bad frustration moment with Ryleigh's quilt for me to love quilting. At some point God put in my head that the steps of quilting are a lot like our relationship with Him. Here are some of those thoughts.
I think first and foremost you should have the right tools. Tools that you know how to use and help you quilt easier. Tools are an individual choice. I don't use a sewing machine. We don't get along. I hand stitch. The tools God gave us for life are simple- our Bible, prayer, pastors, church,mentors, friends, family, Bible studies, and.....
The pattern. It's like God's pattern for us. He really intended a perfect life pattern for us, and we screwed it up by eating that stupid fruit. The pattern sets up your entire quilt. It gives you the directions for the assembling of the quilt. The amount of fabric, the cuts for the fabric, and how to put it together. The Bible is our pattern. It gives us the directions to life. How to live, how to put our life together, how to help other people put their life together. Sometimes when we don't follow the pattern it can lead to disastrous results.
I've thought a lot about the fabric, and in the end I think fabric is different for each quilter. For some it's just about the color, or lack of color. For me it's all about the color. I like color and lots of it. I think God really wants you to have a lot of color, a lot of life. It's ok to live! If you live within your pattern it's great!
So I'm following my pattern, using my tools and cutting my fabric in the size they need to be. Can't you see God cutting things out of your life? Gossip, condemnation, lust, etc. Trimming you to make you the right person in Him.
Now, you're putting together your fabric. One piece at a time. You get it all together and now you have a quilt top. It needs batting and backing, along with binding to make it a finished quilt. We're not finished here on earth. We become finished when we are dead, or when Jesus comes back. I look forward to being finished.
That's the basic idea. It still needs lots of work.
I quilt. I have found I love to quilt. It took awhile and a really bad frustration moment with Ryleigh's quilt for me to love quilting. At some point God put in my head that the steps of quilting are a lot like our relationship with Him. Here are some of those thoughts.
I think first and foremost you should have the right tools. Tools that you know how to use and help you quilt easier. Tools are an individual choice. I don't use a sewing machine. We don't get along. I hand stitch. The tools God gave us for life are simple- our Bible, prayer, pastors, church,mentors, friends, family, Bible studies, and.....
The pattern. It's like God's pattern for us. He really intended a perfect life pattern for us, and we screwed it up by eating that stupid fruit. The pattern sets up your entire quilt. It gives you the directions for the assembling of the quilt. The amount of fabric, the cuts for the fabric, and how to put it together. The Bible is our pattern. It gives us the directions to life. How to live, how to put our life together, how to help other people put their life together. Sometimes when we don't follow the pattern it can lead to disastrous results.
I've thought a lot about the fabric, and in the end I think fabric is different for each quilter. For some it's just about the color, or lack of color. For me it's all about the color. I like color and lots of it. I think God really wants you to have a lot of color, a lot of life. It's ok to live! If you live within your pattern it's great!
So I'm following my pattern, using my tools and cutting my fabric in the size they need to be. Can't you see God cutting things out of your life? Gossip, condemnation, lust, etc. Trimming you to make you the right person in Him.
Now, you're putting together your fabric. One piece at a time. You get it all together and now you have a quilt top. It needs batting and backing, along with binding to make it a finished quilt. We're not finished here on earth. We become finished when we are dead, or when Jesus comes back. I look forward to being finished.
That's the basic idea. It still needs lots of work.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Day 2
I'm already having trouble with this writing thing. What does that say about the next 29 days?
Twice this year I have had the opportunity to do some public speaking. One live and one on video. Before I come back to that, I should say God and I talk about this subject ALL the time.
I love God with every fiber of my being. I have loved HIM my entire life. I don't remember a day of not knowing He's my Lord and Savior. I have mostly always trusted Him and always had faith in Him. I repeated have this conversation with Him about public speaking. I dislike public speaking. I dislike getting up in front of a group of people and talking. I used to dislike praying out loud, but God cured that one, by having me lead a women's Bible study group. Funny how that happens.
He has slowly been tearing down this fear of public speaking. All the while I'm telling Him he's crazy, that surely there is someone else better suited for this job. I understand how Moses and Jonah felt. Sigh.
I have given my testimony at least 3 times, talked about Ryleigh on video once, but it played at church twice, talked about brokenness for Bible study twice and now got to talk about how much I love my church on video.
It might be getting easier. Maybe I'm just not dragging my feet quite so long anymore. Maybe I have finally given up that fact that I can't get out of this public speaking gig. Maybe I haven't. Maybe like Lazarus I have a story to tell about God's overwhelming love for me and His ability to sustain me through ALL of life's complications.
I will end with this quote I found in my notebook this morning.
"What lies behind us and before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
I hope that what lies within me shines out at times.
Twice this year I have had the opportunity to do some public speaking. One live and one on video. Before I come back to that, I should say God and I talk about this subject ALL the time.
I love God with every fiber of my being. I have loved HIM my entire life. I don't remember a day of not knowing He's my Lord and Savior. I have mostly always trusted Him and always had faith in Him. I repeated have this conversation with Him about public speaking. I dislike public speaking. I dislike getting up in front of a group of people and talking. I used to dislike praying out loud, but God cured that one, by having me lead a women's Bible study group. Funny how that happens.
He has slowly been tearing down this fear of public speaking. All the while I'm telling Him he's crazy, that surely there is someone else better suited for this job. I understand how Moses and Jonah felt. Sigh.
I have given my testimony at least 3 times, talked about Ryleigh on video once, but it played at church twice, talked about brokenness for Bible study twice and now got to talk about how much I love my church on video.
It might be getting easier. Maybe I'm just not dragging my feet quite so long anymore. Maybe I have finally given up that fact that I can't get out of this public speaking gig. Maybe I haven't. Maybe like Lazarus I have a story to tell about God's overwhelming love for me and His ability to sustain me through ALL of life's complications.
I will end with this quote I found in my notebook this morning.
"What lies behind us and before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
I hope that what lies within me shines out at times.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
31 Days of blogging......
So, I've been meaning to come back here. Really I have, but alas I haven't. Two years later I come back and for the month of August I will try and write everyday. Some things will be mundane, some happy, some thrilling and some sad I'm sure. We should seriously take bets how long I last at this everyday thing.
I think this post will be the highlights of 2012 so far.
1. This extends back a year or more, but I got a part time job in the Life Skills class at a high school. I LOVE it! I love it so much I might be doing it full time in a few weeks. I still love signing and this job incorporates both, but I am blessed that God picked me for this season and job.
2. I started kickboxing again. I'm not sure I will survive. The trainer is tough, but I am watching God's plan in this too, and loving the way I feel. I have lost inches, weight and cholesterol points in the last few months. I have also gained stamina, better health and a healthier concept of my body. I may be only down one clothing size, but I feel like a model.
3. In June I got to meet up with some friends from around the country and I made new ones. I love these meet ups. I love these friends. They are my internet friends and they rock!
4. In that same trip I took my first train trip on Amtrak, in a room. I went from Chicago to St. Louis to see Brenda. I even ate dinner on the train. Didn't sleep on it, but it was a way cool way to travel. I also got to catch up with Brenda which was AWESOME!
5. I finished up 2 college classes and am now the proud owner of an Associates Degree of Arts. Two summer classes were almost too much, but lots of studying and doing the extra credit, awarded me with two A's!
6. Got to visit Seattle and take an Alaskan cruise. Both were really cool. I LOVE cruising. Truly for me I think my favorite part was seeing the totem poles. I don't know why they just were. The country was beautiful and the vacation was relaxing. Oh, the other favorite part was sitting in the pod in the adults only pool! That thing rocked. I could curl up with a book or quilt and be nice and warm with a blanket while watching Alaska go by.
7. I finished a quilt for Gary this year. He picked the pattern and the fabrics and I just put in the work. It came out really nice and my friend Joyce quilted it for me. Joyce actually quilted 2 other ones for me and they are beautiful.
I'll leave it there, as some of the other things should be posts on their own.
I think this post will be the highlights of 2012 so far.
1. This extends back a year or more, but I got a part time job in the Life Skills class at a high school. I LOVE it! I love it so much I might be doing it full time in a few weeks. I still love signing and this job incorporates both, but I am blessed that God picked me for this season and job.
2. I started kickboxing again. I'm not sure I will survive. The trainer is tough, but I am watching God's plan in this too, and loving the way I feel. I have lost inches, weight and cholesterol points in the last few months. I have also gained stamina, better health and a healthier concept of my body. I may be only down one clothing size, but I feel like a model.
3. In June I got to meet up with some friends from around the country and I made new ones. I love these meet ups. I love these friends. They are my internet friends and they rock!
4. In that same trip I took my first train trip on Amtrak, in a room. I went from Chicago to St. Louis to see Brenda. I even ate dinner on the train. Didn't sleep on it, but it was a way cool way to travel. I also got to catch up with Brenda which was AWESOME!
5. I finished up 2 college classes and am now the proud owner of an Associates Degree of Arts. Two summer classes were almost too much, but lots of studying and doing the extra credit, awarded me with two A's!
6. Got to visit Seattle and take an Alaskan cruise. Both were really cool. I LOVE cruising. Truly for me I think my favorite part was seeing the totem poles. I don't know why they just were. The country was beautiful and the vacation was relaxing. Oh, the other favorite part was sitting in the pod in the adults only pool! That thing rocked. I could curl up with a book or quilt and be nice and warm with a blanket while watching Alaska go by.
7. I finished a quilt for Gary this year. He picked the pattern and the fabrics and I just put in the work. It came out really nice and my friend Joyce quilted it for me. Joyce actually quilted 2 other ones for me and they are beautiful.
I'll leave it there, as some of the other things should be posts on their own.
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