Day 4

Here's an ugly truth.  One I hate to admit, but have been admitting it more often.  For about 5 years I was addicted to food.  Maybe more like the comfort of food.  One must understand first that addiction runs in my family.  We are more apt to be an addict than not.  So, I can look back and say food was probably mine.  I can pinpoint the start of it too.   They made me eat when Ryleigh died, and while it's not their fault it set my brain on a downward spiral.  My brain was convinced the food would make me feel better.  It didn't, it just made me gain weight.

I didn't realize this was a problem for me, until I gave up sugar and soda for Lent this year.  Somewhere in that 5 years, it became an addiction.  For days after Lent started I would stand in the pantry doorway and just crave the sugar, thinking it would make me feel better. Ugh! It was horrible to realize how bad it had a hold on me.  Within less than 24hrs. I realized why God had asked me to do this.  He knew I needed my eyes WIDE open.  He opened them wide.

In that space of time though He helped me manage those feelings.  As, you're standing in the doorway, unless you want to give in, you are reaching towards God to uphold you.  For Him to make the urge for comfort to be back towards Him and not the food.  It was a long battle and I'm not over it.  Some days it gets the better of me and I just have the sweets. A girl has to have chocolate, or at least this girl does.

I put on weight the last 5 years.  For me a lot of weight.  I didn't feel good about myself.  I looked pregnant in my eyes and had no stamina.  So, while helping me stop with the sugar God put a kickboxing place in my neighborhood. I believe He can do anything.  I joined the end of March and really started committing to it in April.  The difference has been huge.

When Lent ended my romance with soda had ended.  Overall I can't stand soda anymore.  That is an awesome thing.  I also realized that between all the soda and sugar, it had given me indigestion.  Once I stopped most of the sugar it went away. That has been awesome.

I've been working out and my belly has gone down a lot.  I have lost a whole clothing size and my stamina is so much better.  I feel healthy and my confidence is so much higher.

So, God used Lent and kickboxing to help me emerge from a dark hole I didn't even realize I had climbed in.  I'm so glad God knows what I need before I do, and that He's willing to help me out when I'm not helping at all, and He got me to admit I'm WEAK, especially without Him as my focus.